Stop tolerating and start living

 Respect yourself2

The word ‘tolerance’ just crossed my mind today and I could not stop thinking about it. Simply because like many, I think I spend a less than healthy chunk of my life tolerating instead of living. I am referring to the word defined as  ‘the act of capacity of enduring’ rather than the other that describes ‘a fair, objective and permissive attitude toward opinions, beliefs and practices that differ from one’s own.’

At various times in my life, I tolerated the presence of non-productive beliefs and habits such as negativity, worry and stress. I tolerated the expectations and status-identity foisted upon me because that was what most people do. I tolerated the existence of physical clutter that added little joy or value but took up space in my life and tied me down. I tolerated relationships with people who held me back and drained my energy because they have always been there. I tolerated the doing of work that bored and frustrated me but which paid the bills. I tolerated mediocre coffee from my nearest cafe because the one I really liked was further away. I tolerated the situations I found myself in because I thought the stars have to be aligned and perfect conditions have to prevail  before I acted and made a change.  For many, tolerating is the easy way to get by, to stay out of trouble, to not stick out like a sore thumb. I don’t blame them for I was once like that.

As I got older and more aware, tolerating has become simply quite intolerable. I have little time and patience for the ‘second bests’, the ‘less than ideals’, the ‘barely good enoughs’, the ‘this is better than nothings’, the ‘this is simply not dones’, the ‘this is how it has always been dones’, the ‘sometime in the futures’. I simply had enough.

It takes awareness, clarity, courage and determination to reach out beyond tolerance and grab hold of what we are meant to be and to have. Tolerance is a weak virtue and might be a good starting point, but it’s certainly not a good enough way to live one’s life. Let’s not shortchange ourselves.

Change your world through good news


If I was a Martian and I landed on Earth and picked up a newspaper, I would think I have landed in a place somewhat resembling hell. Terrorist attacks, gun shootings, beheadings, potential collapse of a country’s financial system…the bad news just keep coming. And they keep coming because bad news sells. Let’s be honest about this, many of us derive voyeuristic pleasure  from bad news as long as it’s not happening to us or to our loved ones-  it makes us feel fortunate and to count our blessings. But did you notice that sense of negativity, dread and even sadness that seeps in after that initial ‘adrenalin rush’ after digesting the gloom and doom? You might not notice it at first but over time, the cloud of negativity will seep deeper and start invading your senses and colouring the view of your life and the world around you. You might start feeling your life is not as good as it is, people are mostly evil and untrustworthy and the world around us is falling into bits.

So when I started simplifying my life and looking at what adds value and what doesn’t, the news was the first to go. It mostly makes me feel crap about the world around me and just feeds negativity into my energy and my life. As a believer of positive energy and like attracts like- bad news was a big no.

However, I’m also aware that oblivion can be bliss, but can also breed ignorance. So I have since derived a way of skimming the headlines and being roughly aware of what is going on without being sucked into the spiral of doom and gloom. More importantly, I have decided to curate the type and nature of news I get exposed to and that these news are either positive and or informative. With these slight changes in news consumption, I see more beauty, kindness and inspiration in people and the world around me.  And that’s positive!

I’ve recently came across the news website called Positive News. It offers an alternative way of how we can view the events around us by focusing on innovation, kindness, co-operation and the ways people are working to create solutions to the problems facing society. I think this project is worthy of support  and encouragement it is that rare beacon of light in a field of darkness and gloom.



Completely Unburdened

RW Minimalist-Completely London

I have been officially outed…as a Minimalist. Courtesy of Completely London magazine.

You can read about it here.


The sweet spot between too little and too much

Happiness is a balance

With the start of the year, I have continued with my practice of not having specific goals in mind. Instead, I will advance in the direction of where I would like to be and in the process, arrive at situations where I can derive happiness, fulfilment and inspiration. I can say as of now, I am quite happy and contented to be where I am. Quite.

Simplifying and decluttering and living a minimalist life is not guaranteed to deliver happiness. We can throw all our stuff away and still feel no happier; instead we might end up even more miserable. You see, happiness is not about having too little or too much; it is not about deprivation or stuffocation- it is finding that sweet spot in between that is both personal and unmeasurable through the exercise of moderation.

Though I am headed in my desired  direction, there were inevitably times along the journey when I have intentionally or unintentionally, lost or gained in excess both physical stuff and non-tangible assets. It was during these occasions and times of realization that my joy got coloured with discontent and my abundance came with a tinges of lack.

It has been nearly six months since I sold my home and during this period of living in a rented property and looking for my next home, I realised, even more than before, how important  having my own home and property was to my happiness and contentment. Home ownership doesn’t just add greatly to my happiness and contentment; in my case it is also a wise financial decision in a place like London.

The sense of loss hit home hardest during the festive season. It has been our tradition to buy a duck from Borough Market and roast it for our Christmas dinner. I just wasn’t in a mood for festive celebrations and feasting in the Christmas that’s just past. I was missing ‘home'; a place where I feel nice and comfortable and where I enjoy pottering around and cooking meals in my cosy kitchen. I gained much from selling my property but have also lost a place I can call ‘home’. So hopefully this year, I would be able to find a place that can be Home.

I revel in being an Inspired Idler. I love that sense of freedom in having no one to report to except myself; not having to do anything except whatever takes my interest and fancy. Most of all, I love having time, quite a bit of it, to do as I pleased. Recently however, I began to get up later in the mornings as there was not much to get me out of bed for, I found that some days can drag on and on, there were times when I didn’t feel like staying home and there was nowhere I particularly wanted to go to. I could sense emptiness and drudgery beginning to make furtive inroads into my life. I realised I have too much ‘free’ time- time with no particular purpose or intention. That’s not inspired idling- that’s just idling and wasting time. I was having too much of a good thing and not channeling it in the most optimal and useful way.

Happiness is only one part of being successful; the other parts are growth and contribution. I can be growing more and contributing better. In other words, I need a renewed purpose to make my days more intentional and meaningful. Apart from my dream home, that’s what I’ll be searching for in the year ahead. Exciting!


Life after Debt

Debt-free Living

Since I embraced simple living and minimalism and started this blog two years ago,  a post on  ‘I am debt-free’  has been at the top of my list.  I still can’t believe that I am finally in a position to write such a post: I am debt-free and I have money in the bank. It feels rather surreal and after two months, it has  yet to fully sink in.

For the first time since I left university, I am totally free of debt. Debt-free: two words that seem so innocuous yet whose attainment can bestow so much freedom, lightness. and control.  The freedom to explore options, make choices and pursue dreams. The lightness that comes with not owing a single penny and of owning every single pound, beholden to no one but myself.  The control that I have regained over finances and my time and how I want to spend it. The realisation that I fully own every one of my possessions and assets. That feeling is rather indescribable.

Many of us have debts in one form or another and in varying amounts once we reached adulthood. University debts, credit card debts, car loans and  mortgages are all part of being grown up and getting ahead. We are mortgaging our future for a better present which we can’t presently afford; in the hope that our future would be able to cough up the payments.  Then that opportunity arises for that nicer suit, that newer car model and that bigger house-  and we fall deeper into the debt hole. One would hope that job promotions and pay rises would make our lives a little easier, our debt pile a little smaller. Easier said than done. With more money, we yearn for that even nicer car and bigger house to keep up with our newly elevated status. Oh dear, we just have to stay in that crappy job for a little while longer to keep up with the payments. Having money can make us poorer and more indebted – sad but true. It is like buying bigger size pants  to accommodate our bigger waistline but ending up eating more because we now have more room to fill!

We all consume in one way or another and I am not saying consumption is bad. We all need shelter, food, clothing and a few other things to make our lives civilised, comfortable, enjoyable and efficient. But mindless consumerism where we consume impulsively and with the vain hope that in some way or other it will give us the happiness and purpose that we crave for is self-defeating. It is  likely to make us more reliant on the jobs we loathe and leave us further from our true happiness and purpose.

I followed a similar trajectory after university. I had good jobs earning good pay with good companies in exchange for long hours, stress and diminishing personal time and self-fulfilment. Weekends were sacred as I sought to spend those precious hours in doing things I like and spending money on things I wanted in order to assuage the misery that piled up during the work week and dull the dread of heading back into the grind on Monday. Sunday night blues is not just a myth; it was very real and tangible in my case. Each new job and promotion delivered more money into my bank account but there never seemed to be enough for me to feel ‘rich’. I was buying stuff; of not only things I needed but also of things I thought I needed and that I wanted. I used to think that if I were to leave the house, I needed to bring something back, anything, even a copy of the day’s papers to make it worthwhile, even though I know I didn’t have the desire nor time to read it. I was buying stuff on my holidays, on my work trips, and each overseas posting added more to my possessions. Anyone walking into my flat would find it nice and tidy and nowhere near cluttered. But clutter can be a rather subjective term. I had a lot more stuff than I actually needed or wanted and they were draining my finances and robbing me of my time and clogging up my living space. I was buying stuff with my hard-earned money and credit cards, hoping to numb the misery of my cubicle existence and make myself happier, staying in the job so that I can fund my purchases and pay off my bills, getting the next  bigger job with a bigger pay cheque, consuming more to numb the bigger dose of misery and dullness that came with it. The cycle repeats. But the happiness remained ephemeral and I spent more money and  had less time and control over my life.

I was staying in jobs that paid me good money, paid my bills and indulged me with the little luxuries in life but left me empty. With time, the misery grew deeper and the emptiness reverberated stronger. I finally took the plunge and left the corporate world to spend my time working on projects that I am passionate about and that give me happiness, purpose and delivers value. I felt a lot happier, freer and more fulfilled. But I still carried the burden of having to pay the bills and think about ‘making a living’. Then I chanced upon this article and I was blown away. It was as if the scales dropped from my eyes and a stone was lifted off my back. I was filled with hope, excitement  and lightness- clichéd but true.  This is the carefree state I want to be in: debt free.  Saying is much easier than doing and it has been quite a long-drawn out process with tough decisions and uncertainty aplenty. But I finally made it and I am truly embracing the freedom and lightness that came with the disentanglement.

I am writing this post in one of my favourite local cafes. A light-filled space staffed by friendly baristas and serves great coffee and  Eccles cakes by St. John (the best ever!). I paid for my coffee and cake with cash as I do with the bulk of my purchases- I seldom use my debit card nowadays; my two credit cards have not left my wallet in the past two months and have become seemingly redundant. Cold hard cash gives me better control over my spending and prompts me to buy and consume more mindfully. I also tend to ask myself if a purchase is going to add value to my life and worth that amount of money to my freedom and time. I glance through the list of properties that are up for sale. The London property boom has thrown up a a slew of properties that are way over overpriced; waiting for desperate buyers rushed by the limited supply to take the bait. I believe that I will find my dream home; one that is right for me, when the time is right. I guess one can’t rush such things; magic happens when you are least expecting it.When that dream abode turns up, I will be paying for it in cash- no more mortgages, no more debt.

I turn my attention to Helen, the barista. Watching her make coffee is quite addictive: grind the beans, fill the porter holder and slot it into the machine, press the button and watch as the coffee gets extracted into the cups, sending wafts of coffee aroma my way.  I have always had a keen interest in coffee and have recently taken it a level up by attending coffee courses. The thought of  opening my own bookshop and cafe has always been lurking at the back of my mind; waiting for the right moment to manifest itself into reality. I can afford to buy my own shop now- that is if I wanted to. I can also work as a barista and make beautiful coffee all day long if I wanted to. Being a barista has never been a option for me in the past because I needed to ‘make a good living’ in order to pay my bills and maintain my standard of living. But now being debt free has opened me up to choices and options and I am free to choose and pick the road I want to travel on. There is nothing to hold me back except myself.


“It’s only after you’ve lost everything that you’re free to do anything.”

Chuck Palahniuk